And, he's (obviously) a boy...
My 15-month old baby, Mak, today showed me in full force that he is a BOY. Upon waking from his afternoon siesta, Mak was super stinky. This is not an anomale. This is ruitine, regular, and predictable. As I lifted him from his crib, the smells of his present contained in his pants wafted up to my nose and warned me. I replied with a wrinkled face and a "P.U., Makie is stinky!!!", at which point, Mak began his laughing. This laughing continued as I peeked into his diaper, only to quickly snap it shut, and tell him again, "Ewwww! Yuuuu-ckkky." Now, this is where Mak fully began being a boy. He made a farting noise with his mouth - how he did this, I have no clue - and began laughing uncontrollably, only to stop to make the farting noise again.
And, article B that I'd like to present: he was naturally ADEPT at making fart noises. Not at asking politely for a drink. Or saying "cow" when he sees a picture of a cow. Or saying "eye" when he sticks his little finger squarely into my cornea.
Here's the revelation:
Women? You think your men need to talk more? Perhaps they don't talk because language development wasn't on the top of their priority list when they were 15 months old. Perhaps making mouth-fart noises was more paramount. Perhaps this is also why so many little boys related so endearingly to Chewbaka the Wookie in Star Wars. BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TALK. He grunted. He moaned. BUT, he was understood by little 7-year old boys everywhere. Don't believe me? Ask your husband to imitate Chewbaka.
His face will light up.
He will smirk a secret grin, remembering his fondness for the giant, furry sasquatch beast.
And, he will remember.
SOOOOOOO, the next time you're trying to find out how your husband feels about something, walk up to him, and in all seriousness, Chewbaka him with a grunt or mouth-fart him your request, and I bet he'll understand perfectly how you're feeling. He might even envelope your body in a mammoth show of affection because of your attempt to speak his secret, incomprehensible language.
STILL don't believe me?
If your husband is a football fan (or basketball, or hockey, or golf...), WHILE he is watching a game and is engrossed in it, say in a casual, notyellingabovethetv voice, "hey, honey? can I ask you a question?"
He'll throw a glance your way, give you a flash of eye contact, and mumble "yah... what's up... oh crap! he fumbled the ball... man! COME ON!" Obviously, you're getting no real amount of quality attention from him right now. The football game is winning, hands down.
Now, record a loud belching noise (nothing needed if you possess the skill to do it on your own). While he is still watching the very same game, and preferably while he is watching nearly the same play as your earlier verbal experiment, mumble you have a tummy ache and play the belching noise. You will have his fullattentionayeayesargent attention. He will stare at you, full eye contact, mouth agape, and tell you in an almost whisper, "we have some TUMS under the bathroom sink." All the while thinking, "wow. she's hot."
Try it.
Have I unlocked the secrets that the likes of Donahue, Sally Jesse, and Oprah have been scrutinizing for decades? I think I just might have... Maybe.
