How to tell a boy from a girl.......

No, no, no - it has nothing to do with their "parts". You dirty-minded fool.

Today, while I was putting on my makeup, I heard several repeated thuds. Turns out it was Mak jumping off one of my chairs in my family room. What he said when I asked him what he was doing, however, is key. Here is his actual rendition, and then an approximation of what would have been said had I caught Sophia in the act.

Mak's version:
Me: (Me, walking down the hall. I can't see him.) "Mak????!!!! What are you doing?"
Mak: "I'm just jumping off the chair."
I now see he has piled pillows under a chair and was using them as a cushion for his landing.
Me: "Mak, stop jumping off the chair."
Mak: "Ok."

Sophia's version:
Me: "Sophia, what are you doing? What was that thud?"
Sophia: "I just made up a game. It's called jilta whirl."
Me: "What's jilta whirl?"
Sophia: "You have to take the pillows from the couch, make a pattern, make sure all the sides are touching."
Me: "...and?"
Sophia: "Then you have to roll up your sleeves and take off your socks."
Me: "...AND?"
Sophia: "You climb up on this chair and you have to pick a spot on the cushions."
Me: "Sophia, were you jumping off the chair?"
Sophia" "It's part of the game."
Me: "Were you jumping off the chair?"
Sophia: "Yes. Onto part of the pattern that you picked. And if you land on the pattern you get five points."
Me: "Stop jumping off the chair."
Sophia: "Ah, man! That's not fair! I'm not done with the game!"
Me: "I don't care. You could get hurt. No more jumping."
Sophia" "But what will I do with all my points? And the pattern of the cushions?"
Me: "Figure it out."
Five minutes later:
Sophia: "MOM! I made a new game for my Bitty babies. If they eat all their vegetables, they get to move to a new spot on the pattern of the cushions! And if they land on all the spots, they earn a sticker!"
Me: "Are you jumping off the chair?"
Sophia: "NO! And I told Bitty baby if she does, she's in a time out."

Exactly.

I'm sure if I asked this baby girl in my belly why she was kicking my bladder last night at 3am, she would say:
"I made this new rule for my jumping. I was trying to jump on one leg for as many times as I could in a row, but I decided if I could switch legs mid-jump it wouldn't count for a start-over. Now I'm getting 10 points every time I switch legs. And if I can do a somersault, too, mid-jump, I get 5 more points!"

If SHE were a BOY, it would've sound like this:
"I was kicking my legs."

Girls will offer you every explanation to justify their actions, while boys just tell it to you like it is.

Brian: "Did you spend $127 at Target yesterday?"
Me: "Yes. But I went there for wipes and Benadryl and walked by the clearance rack and there were these t-shirts that were $24.99 and they were on clearance for $7."
Brian: "So what happened with the other 102 dollars?"
Me: "Well, I remembered that Sophia has a birthday party next week, so I went back to get a toy for it, and I passed the shoes and remembered that Sophia's rain boots were too small, and they had them on sale, so I bought her a pair. And a pair of Easter shoes."
Brian: "That's IT? Wipes, benadryl, one $7 t-shirt, a pair of Easter shoes, and a pair of rain boots?"
Me: "No. I bought her two pairs of Easter shoes because I wasn't sure what size she was."
Brian: "And that was it?"
Me: "No... I just figured I'd look for her easter dress, too, and so I got her one and also a white sweater to wear over it because it's sleeveless. And it will probably still be cold then. And if I wait too long, they'll all be picked over and then I'll have to drive everywhere looking for one."
Brian: "And... that's... it?"
Me: "No... I bought her two My Little Pony sets for her party."
Brian: "Does she need TWO sets?"
Me: "Well, no, but they were on sale, and I just figured I'd buy an extra one because I know she's bound to have another birthday party soon. And then I won't have to run back to Target, I'll already have it."
Brian: "Well, that was a good move. I'm sure "saving you a trip to Target" will save us money."