Overrated

I wrote this in May, 2006, and although it's old, I still firmly believe in what I wrote then...

Ok. I really think there are so many things in this world that we clamor and strive for that are totally, 100% over-rated. We are always pushing, pressing in for the next best moment, the next best this, or a bigger that, that I think we miss the beauty in our every day lives. I fall victim to this. I struggle with wanting more. I admit it. However, today I am acknowledging the over-ratedness of our society's valuables and vowing to make a concerted effort to markedly move away from this thought pattern into something more meaningful, lasting, and worthwhile. Here is my top 10 list of things I think are completely over-rated:

1) over-priced vacations
Now, I must say that my husband and I, before the baby, took our share of vacations. I've been on shoe-string budget ones and all-inclusive, eat your heart out, swim up to the Tiki Bar, pricey ones. Here's my opinion: there is truly nothing more relaxing than hanging out at home on a Friday night with your hubby maybe playing a game or watching a movie. Or playing cards with friends. You always think that there is more fun to be had somewhere else (and I am not discounting vacations as a whole), but typically all the fun you need to have you can have at home in your living room. That's a heck of a lot cheaper than Fiji and you dont have to pack to go there. Oh, and the disclaimer is that you're hanging out alone, sans children, on this Friday night that I'm speaking of.

2) brand-new vehicles
Ok, my last car was brand new. I convinced my husband to buy it and we got a pretty good deal on it. I told him that once, just once, in my life I needed to own a new vehicle to see what it was like. Now I know why he was convinced that I did not. Any new car, new or used, unless you buy it from Frank out of the classifieds, will smell new and definitely feel new to you. End of story.

3) watching TV
I don't know about you, but whenever I spend even ten minutes sitting in front of the boob tube, I feel lazier and uninspired to get up and take accountability for all I need to do with the day. Every person I know who is governed by TV program schedules seems to have way too much unfinished business in their lives -- whatever that may be!

4) fairy-tale romances
This is just really easy: everything that I value in my life requires work on my part and that makes it worth the while. Everything that has ever been handed to me, I stop seeing the beauty in it soon after I get it. The tough stuff, the nuts and bolts of life, are also what make life the most joyful. After all, happiness isn't true happiness unless you can counter it with a little suffering.

5) having only one best friend
I used to be a one-friend wonder. Doing all of my activities every day with one person, all of the time. What I found was that my perspective on every situation was so narrow, short-sighted, and limited because my resources were limited! Now, I have many, many friends who all, in blanket fashion, make up my conglomerate of the best friend category. They're all special and really good, good friends. And I just couldnt choose who is really the very best because they're all top notch.

6) sleep
Some of the best moments of my life have been at the expense of sleep. Hilarious moments with my girls on "girls night out"... sex with my husband... giving birth to my daughter (she arrived at 3:15am)... intense prayer moments with God... getting to know my sister-in-law, Jamey... and, as of recently, rocking my baby girl to sleep in the middle of the night after she awakes in pain from teething. There is just something so, so beautiful about watching her face as her body lays limp in my arms. That moment couldn't happen at 1:26pm; it had to happen at 3:17am and it was perfect.

**and, now, three years later, an additional baby, and many more moons full of rest, this is still the case: post-Mak's arrival last summer, he was a sleeper and didn't wake much at night. This was ultimately my loss because the busyness of life didn't afford me much isolated alone-time with him during the day. I missed out major on a whole lot of admiring his fingers, smelling his head, and enjoying watching him breath because he was more interested in sleep. Stinker.

7) cute pregnant clothes
There's a limit to how much an article of clothing can improve upon your looks. When you are 47 months pregnant, swollen and waddling, there is no article of clothing, no matter how cute it is on a hanger, that can make you look better in that moment. You just look bad, and that is that.

8) expensive, name-brand clothing
I am just too cheap now to allow myself to even shop in shops that carry clothes in which the price tag for one article is three digits, or even two for that matter, before the period in the price. The trends change way too fast (and I am usually behind them as it is) for me to drop big $$ on a look that in two months will be yesterday's folly. Ill take my $8.99 Old Navy bargains and my $22.99 Target jeans and happily wear them like they were Banana or Ms. Taylor.

9) big houses
Now, I say this with a disclaimer: we are beginning to look for houses because we want to move into something bigger but modest, not over-the-top, so hear what I'm saying from the standpoint of excess (or, a lack thereof). I once knew someone whose parents owned a large home that they couldn't afford. There is simply nothing more uncomfortable than being around people who live in a 3300 square foot home but cannot afford to put food on the table. I hardly doubt that they would say that all of the years of stress over money that resulted from their ownership of their BIG house were worth it.

**update in 8/09: we have found our house, it's moderate, not excessive, and I'm bent on making it our forever house no matter how many people I birth and try to pack into its bedrooms.

10) buying for the sake of a sale
It is a pet peeve of mine, but it hardly seems frugal when youre spending ALL THE TIME on sale items, but your spending totals half of your yearly paycheck. A sale isn't a sale unless it's an item of dire need and it's on sale at the exact moment you need it. My husband would laugh if he read this, but would also agree that I no longer spend money for the sake of spending. And I? Would much rather have a nice forever with him than that thing I saw last week at Kohls that was marked down four-thousand-nine-hundred-twenty-two percent and on clearance with an additional 20% off that will sit in my closet until next spring, but we always needed one, and then, ultimately, I will probably forget we have it or only use it once which will make the actual seventy-five dollars I spent on it similar to the act of throwing money down the drain. I know that was a run on sentence, but did you get the point? I dont know about you, but WE dont have a money tree growing in our yard...

And, quickly, the top ten things I think are priced just right:

1) flossing your teeth
Need I say more?

2) taking a bath

There is just something soooo good for your mind and soul to soak to the point of wrinkling after a long day.

3) reading a book
Time after time, I pick up a good book and become engrossed in it in a way that no TV show could rival. I love, love, love the days where I am pining for five minutes to find out what will happen on the next page, enfolding across pages uninterrupted by commercials.

4) keeping in touch
I am lousy at this. I simply forget and my lack of effort isn't due to my lack of sentiment. I think about my long-distance friends ALL OF THE TIME but fail to make the time to keep in touch. But, the ones I do talk to (or exchange emails with) are still vital parts of my days, life, and future. There is just something about holding on to the good parts of your past to make your journey feel seasoned and full-bodied like a good, aged bottle of wine.

5) sleep
Yes, I am contradicting myself. Having said what I said above, the feeling of my head being heavy on a pillow rivals about anything else and sleep often wins by a landslide at the end of most days.

6) motherhood
The sacrifice is huge. Your identity permanently shifts and all of a sudden going to the mall to make a return, not shop, becomes a big event, like planning a vacation. But, for all of the times Sophia has pooped on me, spit up on me, drooled or snotted on me, and for the reality of the fact that my body will NEVER be the same, I will probably never feel fully rested again or know the goodness of 8 consecutive, uninterrupted hours of sleep, and that I will never think of myself first again, she is the best investment I could ever make with my effort, time, money, and self. She is the hardest thing I have ever done. She is the very best thing I have ever done. I know that I am raising her, but I feel at times as if she is raising me because she has changed me for the better.

7) marriage
There is something so innocent about looking for the right one with whom to spend the rest of your life. You just never really see someone before marriage the way you see them after you marry them. And, marriage is just not as easy as anyone really thinks. It's hard and there are moments you might want to quit, but the grass is never really greener on the other side. I happen to have one who will stick by me until the end, no matter what, and he is worth more than gold. Working really hard at marriage makes it so good when it's good and gives you purpose when it's tough.

8) laughter
The kind of laughter where you make the seal noise... that's the best because it's so raw and unadulterated and genuine. That's the kind of laughter that burns calories, lowers your stress, help diffuse tough times, and actually can adjust your perspective on something. All for a minute of laughter. How difficult and costly is that?

9) God and prayer
I really don't know how to say this without typing a sermon. There is nothing more that you can do that is more effectual than prayer and nothing more meaningful in life than serving God. Period. We just have such a great deal: not having to go through any circumstance alone and the ability to invite divine power to intervene because of prayer; and, getting to spend eternity in paradise (aka Heaven) just because we confess Jesus is the Son of God. Really, really simple and really BIG and the price is so right: all of my earthly life for eternity with my Maker in Heaven. Wow.

10) driving with the radio off
I don't know about you, but sometimes the only quiet, uninterrupted minutes of my day are spent in the car and it seems wasteful to cloud them up with radio talk shows and stupid top 40 hits. I'd rather enjoy the quiet of the moment and the sound of peace.