Radically

I've been taking a step back lately from the motions of "knowing" God and "serving" Him and I had admittedly gotten to a place of thinking, "if this is IT, then I'm not sure this is what I want."

Well, what I had been experiencing wasn't really "IT".

I've been seeing and learning and experiencing God's love. Not His favor. Not His provision. Not His endurance, or patience in affliction, or submission, or faith, or even His joy. His love. His vast, all-consuming, identity redefining love.

You know the friend you have that is your real friend? The one you can call and brag to when you make a fantastic dinner? Or have found the best pair of boots? The one that is your friend buried down deep in your heart that you have an affinity for above all the rest? Well, I have learned that that drive for a confidant, that drive for wanting THAT friend is from God. I have learned that God wants me to be that friend to Him. I have learned that if I'm quiet, God will tell me, giddily, the secrets of the universe. He will brag about the expanses of the galaxies, or the numbers of stars, or the excitement He had in creating the different trees. He will allow me to hear the cicadas humming and singing to God and show me how He is bigger than my worst moment. I've fallen into the Adam-and-Eve syndrome of hiding from Him when I don't want His accountability, but lately, I've tried to stand firm. I've tried to come to Him when I'm so angry, so pissed off, I see red. I try to call on Him when I need someone to listen. To be face to face. And, you know what? He's there. He's my friend, sitting next to me, listening as I vent and complain, and He's my friend that doesn't say "I told you so". He's become my "cry with me" friend and my "laugh with me" friend and my "i love you so much" friend. He's been my friend who's ran to get the tissues when I'm crying and snot is running down my face. Like with any friend, there is no promise that they will alleviate the crap that makes life tough. But, they're there. They get the call, and they're on the next plane. God gets the call and He's at my front door.

And laughing? Soooo comes from God. Um, He created it. What about laughing with God? When did we ever think that it was disrespectful? When did we ever think having the joy of the Lord was just designated for tough times? Hello? God is funny. He is humor. He is good, and gracious, and embodies holiness, and wisdom, and beauty, but He also embodies funny. He also enjoys a good chuckle. An inside joke.

Always a christian, always a follower, but now I'm changed. I'm different. I don't want to be minimal anymore. I don't want to talk about it anymore or teach on it anymore or meditate on it anymore. I want to experience it.

I will be radically changed because He has shown me how He loves me. I am important to Him. He is jealous for me. I will not be minimally affected. Oh, how He loves me.

Check 'er out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps