Signs of the Times!

written sept. 8, 2008, and i'm sure i could add to this list...

21 Signs you're a stay-at-home mom...

1. You reheat your half-consumed cup of coffee like 10 times between waking up and 9:15am, when you realize that your coffee maker has automatically turned off and the whole pot of coffee is now cold.
2. Your hair is cut at chin level or shorter but you'd still call it "long".
3. Your wardrobe is increasingly made up of "cute jeans" and trendy tops that are play-date worthy.
4. You enjoy your tri-monthly appointment with your hairdresser way more than you should.
5. You know what GNO stands for, and you've just thought of the last off-color comment your friend made at your last one.
6. You ruitinely have cheerios or dried cereal hidden, becoming like petrified wood, underneath a leg of your kitchen table.
7. Every room in your house has some sort of toy-like paraphanalia designed to occupy your child while you're in that room trying to accomplish something.
8. The top shelf of your refrigerator has ring marks on it from the repeated half-consumed sippy cups of milk you've put in there after you've found them in the living room, family room, bedroom, or bathroom.
9. There have been days, maybe many, that you've foregone brushing your teeth for the sake of brushed hair when you're rushing to get out the door in the morning.
10. You rarely actually wash your travel mug of coffee; a simple rinse-out with some tap water renders a (fairly) sanitary beverage holder perfectly acceptable for consumption.
11. Your idea of "getting away" by yourself is to aimlessly walk around Target for an hour resulting in you buying a new headband, socks, lip gloss, piece of mineral makeup, or wipes.
12. You are very, very interested in what Supernanny has to say about temper tantrums and wonder how in the world she gets the results she does without a wooden spoon or a spank.
13. You really aren't sure what music is considered popular anymore because most of it has inappropriate lyrics and you're slightly embarrassed too, when you think about "it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes...".
14. You, by fortune of habit, ruitinely place everything back away from the edge of tables or the counter for your deeply embedded knowledge of placing objects near the edge results in little sticky fingers pulling them off and either spilling them or putting them in their mouths.
15. You actually like the idea of going to work for a day WITHOUT YOUR KIDS.
16. You've held a baby on your lap while you're going to the bathroom because you deserve to at least poop in peace.
17. Anything that provides "kidcare" while you do something else, i.e. exercise, is very, very alluring even though it means you probably will walk around sweaty for the rest of the day because you realistically won't have time to take a shower when you're done.
18. You are able, and even adept, at walking while you feel a baby, either nursing of offering a bottle, while talking on the phone and frequently do this on your way to wipe your toddler's bottom as they call you from the bathroom that they're done going potty. And if you should get poop on your hands after wiping, you can continue nursing/feeding/talking on the phone while you wash your hands. No problem
19. You walk into a clothing store and feel very old as you a) don't recognize the song playing over the speakers, but try to act like you know it, realizing you're doing the mom bounce instead of looking like you have actual rhythm; and, b) are constantly looking at mannequins to evaluate if "this is how they're wearing clothes now".
20. You've walked into a high-end clothing store with any of the following on you: a sticker of a pony stuck to the top portion of your breast; a piece of child jewelry somewhere on your body; a child's hairclip inadvertantly stuck into your hair haphazardly so you wouldn't misplace it again; spaghetti sauce, or something reddish, smeared down the front of your shirt and some sort of noodle hanging from your sleeve; chewed graham cracker in your bangs; or baby spit up dried and stinking to high heaven down the back of your shirt.
21. You've ever used a nursing pad/pantyliner/maxipad to wipe your kid's nose, face, hand, or coffee spill in the car.